The suspicious murderer by Hamzah

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She whispered “Who is  he?”

Jack replied ” This man , who killed my dad  in a science lab, is a multiple murderer and his name is Bob.”

They quickly got in the car and went around the corner  to lie and wait for Bob.

“He always wears a black hat with a black cloak so that no one could reconize him.”  Said

“There he is ” said Jo the girl.

“He is verry clever so be careful”, Jack responced.

Bob went into the shop so Jack and Jo followed him.Suddenly Bob got his kinfe out and almost stabbed Jo but Jack luckily stopped him.

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3 responses »

  1. Some good ideas but be careful not to use too much speech. Think of how to engage the reader.

    Mr G

  2. Hamzah I liked that your murderer is an evil scientist. What time period does your story take place? I ask because you said the killer wears a cloak. Some very creative ideas, keep up the good work.

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